So once again I get an annoying email from a recruiter on LinkedIn who obviously has not even taken the time to read my profile. Normally I just delete and block these, but today I was feeling crabby so I took the time to respond. Below is an only slightly anonymized copy of that email.

Letter to every random recruiter on LinkedIn

Dear Random LinkedIn Recruiter,
Since you obviously have not taken any time at all to read my profile or even apply basic common sense let me help you out.

#1: If you had read my profile you would have noticed that I am not interested in contract work OR work involving having to relocate out of state. Last time I checked Iowa is not Florida.

#2: You mention a client but do not say who they are, what kind of consulting they do or what their client base is like. Ok so you want me to apply for a job with some unknown company? Right.

#3: The job description is extremely vague and seems to include nearly every single role from requirements gathering to coding to testing all for one person. Good luck finding that person.

#4: In the requirements section you list virtually every web technology there is. Here is something you might not know, nobody alive can have taken the time to learn all the technologies you listed and actually had time to hold down a job. If however you did find that rare person who knew all these web technologies I guarantee that they know html so why even ask about that?

#5: In addition to the technology requirements you specify what tools I should have knowledge of? Hello every developer has their own preferred tools. Tool choice has no bearing on the code that gets written. And if you really need to specify knowledge of a particular tool then at least don't specify tools which have been discontinued for 5 years!

#6: Then you ask me to fill out questions about my current location (shown on my profile), preferred location (stated on my profile), willingness to relocate (stated on the first line of my profile), current salary (none of your business), contact info (also on my profile).

Can you not read?

#7: Finally you ask my preferred salary. Well my preferred salaray is $1,000,000 and hour but if you seriously want to know what I would think I should be paid how about you answer some of my questions first.

1. What are the hours, will the job be 9-5, 8-5
2. Will telecommuting be a possibility
3. Will I be paid relocation expenses should I consider relocating?
4. What part of Des Moines is the company based out of? It would be nice to get an idea of the cost of living near where I would work.

These and many other factors all affect how much I would consider asking to be paid, that is if I was even interested in the first place.

So please tell me why should I apply for a job when I don't even know how much they are offering to pay? Indeed what makes you think that you could even afford someone who knows all the technologies you listed? How about you tell me what they are willing to pay and I will consider if its even worth my time to apply for it.

I hope this gets through to you because I am sick and tired of time wasting recruiters like yourself.